


95. open minds

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [280]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:36:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: A connection, Helena calls it, like it isn’t just her own feelings leaking into Sarah’s brain without Sarah wanting them at all.





	

“You can feel it,” Helena says, as they stumble their way out of the ship.

“Shut up,” Sarah says, but Helena isn’t wrong: Sarah can feel it, so much of it, all of that hope and fear and sadness and hunger. She’s been feeling it for days – ever since that first meeting, when her own sheer terror got tangled up in confusion and delight and then

sharp

hot

pain

, so much so her brain blurred and stumbled away from it like a terrified animal. Thought it was a coincidence, the first time. Second time, third time, fourth time – Sarah can’t kid herself. _A connection_ , Helena calls it, like it isn’t just her own feelings leaking into Sarah’s brain without Sarah wanting them at all.

“You don’t have to be scared,” Helena says. “Can’t you tell? I won’t hurt you, Sarah.”

Yes, Sarah can tell.

“I’m not scared,” she says, leading Helena towards the car, “and I can’t tell _shite_. You’re going to Leekie, got it?”

“You’re lying,” Helena says, with perfect assurance. A small bit of love bleeds into Sarah like red ink in water. “Shut _up_ ,” she tells it, but also Helena, but also both of them. She makes herself angry as she can just in case she can pass it along.

It doesn’t work. Helena just gives her a look over her shoulder: sad, open, wistful. More love bleeds through, sadness, and – worst of all – pity. “I don’t want you to be scared of me,” she says.

“Christ, you’re shit at this,” Sarah says. “I’m not _scared_ of you, Helena. I’m _pissed_ , yeah? ‘n if you don’t want me to be more pissed maybe you should _stop talking_.”

Helena goes perfectly silent. They keep walking to the car in the dark. Love, love, pity, hope, love. It would be so easy for Sarah to put down the gun and let this happen to her: to be eaten alive by the perfect clarity of someone else’s love for her. It feels like the way Kira would always reach for her, laughing, back when Kira was a baby. Which is to say: there is no way Sarah deserves it, and she doesn’t know what’s causing it at all.

Anger is a sick hot weight in her stomach, swaying seasick even though they’re off the boat. The walk to Sarah’s car is so long. On the walk over here she hadn’t even noticed, had been too busy telling herself she could do it. She could pull that trigger. She could put Helena down.

Really, she’s the one who’s shit at this. Go into a boat to shoot your double and come out of the boat tugging your double along by the forearm, feeling her heart bleed out into yours. Pity, pity, pity, love.

The car chirps as Sarah unlocks it, and she lets go of Helena’s arm. “Trunk,” she says, popping it open.

Fear fear fear fear fear _fear fear_ “Can’t I ride with you,” Helena says. “I can be good.”

“No.”

Fear fear anger fear fear fear fear sadness love pity fear fear fear love fear—

“Get in the _trunk_ , Helena.”

Sarah’s brain ricocheting with battering rams. If this is just the overflow of Helena’s mind she doesn’t know how Helena takes any of it. Her heartbeat is jumping into time, banging against her ribs, and now _Sarah_ is scared, and _Sarah_ is angry, and she can feel it jumping back and forth between them like lightning running desperate along the tops of trees.

“Sarah,” Helena says, and nothing else. Fear. Hope. Love.

Sarah closes her eyes. Without light there is only feeling and sound. She opens her eyes again, swallows, closes the trunk.

“You say anything on the drive over,” she says, “I’ll shove you in there myself.”

Helena nods. Everything in her is love. It’s so easy to tell exactly what Helena is feeling. Sarah could ask her, right now, what is coming from Sarah; Helena could explain it to her, taking Sarah’s hand and walking her through the labyrinth of her own heart. Sarah runs a hand through her hair and gets into the driver’s seat without saying anything. She stares at the steering wheel for a moment before Helena fumbles her way into the passenger’s seat, wrists still bound behind her back. Sarah buckles her in. Sarah leans over her to close the passenger door. Love, love, love.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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